I spent most of my law school on the back steps of the loading dock, wedged behind a dumpster, in fear.
That seemed to be the only place were I wouldn't bump into people — fellow law students, faculty, or administrators.
You see, I was afraid of all of them because, in my mind, they were perfect. Perfect students, perfect learners, perfect teachers. And, there was no way that I was any match for them. So, long before the COVID-19 pandemic, I was isolating myself…out of fear of being found out by others to be a fraud.
Looking back, I wish I had reached out to my academic dean, or the academic support department, or student affairs, really anyone at all. But, I was sure that I didn't belong in law school. So instead, I spent most of my time between classes, on the loading dock steps.
Had I read Prof. Victoria McCoy Dunkley's blog about perfectionism, realizing that there is no such thing as perfect, I would have been in much better shape, because I would have realized that "the law is messy" and that "there is often no right or perfect answer." https://lawprofessors.typepad.com/academic_support/2020/09/perfect-hurts.html
But instead, I spent most of my on-campus hours by the loading dock trying to re-read each case, trying to master each assigned reading with perfect answers in preparation for being called upon in class, not realizing that I had done more than enough, that I was as ready as anyone for class, and that it's okay to make mistakes and to not know it all.
So, for those of you in your first year of law school studies, it's okay to be afraid, to worry, to not be sure of yourself, to wonder if you have what it takes, etc. But, let me speak from my heart. You don't have to go it alone like I tried to do. Instead, reach out to someone at your law school and talk it out. Share what you are concerned about. If the truth be told, there are no perfect people in law school (or anywhere else for that matter).
And that's exactly as it should be because life is not a solo sport. It's a team project. It's meant to be lived with others, with all of our blemishes and mistakes and fears, in which we lean on each other and learn from each other.
So, as you practice learning the law ask someone to join you. If you're afraid (as I was) of being called on in class, ask a friend to sit with you and ask you questions about today's reading assignments. Along the way, realize that your practice answers don't need to be perfect (because there are no perfect answers). Rather, the practice in just practicing makes it possible for you to overcome your concerns, your fears, and your worries. (Scott Johns).
P.S. I just noticed all of my typos in this imperfect blog!
