While many students are mildly uncomfortable with some of the speaking and social interaction involved in law school, for some students the discomfort can be almost paralyzing. Extreme shyness can make law school seem a Herculean task. Gripping, gut-wrenching social anxiety can result in students missing class, losing focus because of the fear of being called on, passing on opportunities to engage with professors after class or during office hours, or shutting themselves off from peer learning and networking.
It's not uncommon for a law student to confess to me that s/he is shy. "Confess" is, indeed, the operative term, because the shy student invariably feels that the shyness is something shameful that should be hidden from others. But having the courage to disclose something which feels like a defect can be in itself a monumental step towards overcoming the obstacles posed by the shyness.
While students with debilitating social anxiety may benefit from professional help from a licensed counselor, most students can mitigate the effects of shyness by self-help, following these principles:
- Believe in yourself, in your own abilities and your own worth.
- Recognize that overcoming shyness is a skill.
- Experiment.
- Reward yourself for your efforts rather than dwelling on how others react.
Believe in yourself. We all have different gifts and natural abilities. Others may be more fluent or quicker to understand in the classroom. Rejoice for them. But you have your own gifts that will make you a great lawyer. Perhaps is is a gift for listening, or for simplifying, or for seeing patterns in a morass of details. In addition to celebrating the gifts you already have, trust that you can develop new skills, even if they don't reach the level of perfection. Invoke self-efficacy by believing that you can succeed in meeting the challenges posed by your shyness. Corny as it may seem, write supportive notes on your mirror or state your aspirations every time you walk through a doorway. Practice mindfulness or meditation to quiet your inner critic and strengthen your trust in the person you are.
Recognize that overcoming shyness is a skill. All the skills you are developing in law school take practice to master, and overcoming shyness is no exception. Recognize that performance is the measure of your success, not how you feel inside. At the end of the semester, if you can ask a coherent question in class –maybe even with follow-up comments! — you are succeeding, even if you still get butterflies in your stomach.
Experiment! Experiment to find techniques that help you feel comfortable in speaking and social interaction. Just like you may experiment with flow charts, flashcards, and mnemonics to discover how you best understand and remember legal rules, experiment with different techniques to combat your fear of speaking in front of others. Here are some ideas:
- Visualize yourself speaking clearly and confidently.
- Adopt a confident physical posture like the "Wonder Woman pose." See https://jamesclear.com/body-language-how-to-be-confident for a discussion of the science behind this and to watch Professor Amy Cuddy's influential TED talk on how confident body language can boost confidence and success.
- Take a deep, calming breath before you start speaking.
- Before class, prepare your briefs to answer the question you anticipate the professor asking.
- Write down questions as they come to you and then read them out, rather than trying to formulate a question and speak at the same time.
- Enlist a supportive friend to help you practice in mock classroom settings.
- At presentations or receptions, realize there are probably people who are even more uncomfortable than you. Seek these people out, strive to put them at their ease, and ask questions to draw them out.
- When others talk with you, believe that they are interested in you and in what you have to say.
Reward yourself for your efforts. Set goals for steps you can take, and reward yourself based on what you do, not on whether others reacted as you hoped. For example, "I will raise my hand at least once in every class this week to ask or answer a question." If you raised your hand, count it as success even if the professor called on another student instead of you. Likewise, "At this reception I will talk with one person I don't know." If you introduce yourself and the other person grunts two works and moves over to the refreshment table, you were a success despite the other person's bad manners. And celebrate your successes! They merit a gold star on your mirror, some time with a mystery novel, a walk with the dog, or whatever you do to give yourself an "attaboy" or "attagirl." (Nancy Luebbert)
