It occurs to me that this time last year I had no idea what was coming. The last week in February, first week in March, I was actually in NYC with some wonderful colleagues, finishing up our CALI lessons. We took precautions, I remember bringing Clorox wipes for the plane and the hotel, but it was all still relatively normal. We went out to dinner, and looking back at those pictures we were so close to one another. We really had no idea how things were about to change.
I remember this week last year I was looking forward to a trip to New Zealand, my first ever, to visit my mother-in-law. My husband and I were excitedly booking tours at Hobbiton and the Waitomo Glowworm Caves. I had just ordered a new bathing suit for the hot springs. We had no idea that the trip would be indefinitely delayed.
It also seems crazy to me that this time last year I had planned a 200 person gathering, with pizza, for my students. My “Bar Orientation”. It turned out to be the last day we would all be on campus.
What seems strangest to me is that when I left campus, I really thought this would be over by summer. We all chatted about graduation plans, and I remember thinking that canceling graduation was downright silly, because surely this would all be over by May, right? I had summer plans, for my 40th birthday, that included a large party, and two concerts. I celebrate a birthday week, ok? And again, I thought there was no way we’d still be in a pandemic when July came around! Not possible! I also remember hesitating to order a mask, because by the time it arrived, who would be wearing masks?
I was obviously incredibly naïve. But I’m not sure any of us really understood how much things would change, or that we were spending our last “normal” days having no clue they were so normal.
All of this to say that we are upon an anniversary that is not remotely normal, and it’s perfectly ok to feel strange. We have all missed so much; milestone birthdays, vacations, weddings, graduations, or just normal interaction with our friends and family.
This has been an odd year for all of us, students, faculty, administrators. I miss my colleagues, and just being able to run into them in hallways or share a lunch. I miss my students, and meeting with them in person, mostly because I can’t give them chocolate over zoom, nor can they just “pop by” my office. I miss being in the classroom. Sure, I don’t miss my commute, and I am enjoying comfy pants WAY too much, but I’m also mourning the loss of a year without my colleagues and students. So it’s ok to feel strange, to feel off this week, and to feel like none of this is normal. Because it really isn’t! It’s ok to mourn what we’ve lost, or appreciate the fact that there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. Take time to grieve, even if you are “mostly” ok. Give yourself time to process. And hopefully next year this will be part of our past!
(Melissa Hale)
